i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
