what day is it and did you see me today?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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