Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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