He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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