Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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