I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
