i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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