so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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