I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
