i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
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I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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