Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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