You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
