I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Holy sore nipples Batman
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
