I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
