Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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