I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
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Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
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How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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