Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
