The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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