last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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