I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
