im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
