I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
