He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We are all done wearing pants today
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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