You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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