I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
