i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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