First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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