Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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