I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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