Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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