Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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