Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
