First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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