i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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