So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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