You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
