how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
