she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
