Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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