sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
