I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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