Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
