oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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