The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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