never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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