Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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