I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
