I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
