Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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