Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
