She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
