1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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