in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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