eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
