I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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