I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
