booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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