you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
