It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize