He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
