You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
