hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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