Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Randomize
