The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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