I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
