Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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