My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
