Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
