I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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