hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
