Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
