WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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