32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
