i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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