Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
