wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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