Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
