I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's blow job season.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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